


How Things Are

by Cyan (vehicroids)



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, One day I'll know how to tag things but that day ain't today!, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 16:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20642162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vehicroids/pseuds/Cyan
Summary: Being friends with the Shepherd had its ups and downs. One of those downs was his vow of celibacy.





	How Things Are

Rose had never been subtle. Outside of her work, subtlety simply wasn't her thing - she made her interests and intentions known. When she told Sorey  _ I'm interested in you _ , she meant it, even if he had ignored her at the time.

She didn't know if Sorey was interested or not, but she soon realised how little that mattered. As the Shepherd, he had taken a vow of celibacy. Even if the feelings were returned, he couldn't act on them. When Rose joked about Sorey being married to his prime lord, the topic was shifted by an embarrassed Lailah. The topic was never brought up again.

Rose told herself her feelings were a temporary infatuation. Soon, they vanished into the background - much to her relief. The last thing she wanted was another tragic romance, though at least this time it would not end in murder. Rose hoped it wouldn't, at least.

After long hours of travel, Rose was ready to collapse. She sat by the campfire, arms and legs outstretched towards the warmth. It was mid spring; the days were warm, but the evenings were still cold. Rose wasn't allowed to stick by the fire for long. She was shooed away by Dezel, as it was his turn to make dinner. Rose scooted away, hugging her knees as she watched the wind seraph work.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"Not really," she hummed.

"Rose--"

"Got it, not watching, I promise," Rose said, waving her hand at him.

Mikleo and Edna were having an animated conversation about something - or rather, Mikleo was reacting to something she'd said. Lailah was sitting with Sorey, his palm in her hand. She traced lines on his palm and he watched her, hanging off her every word. She released him, and he kept staring at his hands afterwards. Rose approached them.

"What're you guys doing?" she asked.

"Lailah was reading my palm," Sorey said, holding out his palms to Rose.

"How's the future looking, then?"

Rose held his hands as though she could read them, but in the end, all she could see was lines in his palm. She furrowed her brow, and Sorey laughed.

"It's not just about the future. It's good insight," he said. "I don't know how accurate it is, though."

"All I know about it is the head line, which is here, I think."

As she spoke, she traced a line in his palm. He giggled before snatching back his hand, scratching it.

"Quit it, that tickles!"

"Hey, it wasn't on purpose!" Rose huffed.

Before the bickering could continue, they were called to eat by the jab of an umbrella. Rose yelped partly in pain and partly in surprise before taking her spot around the campfire. Dezel handed her a bowl - curry. Honestly, she would eat anything, so it didn't matter to her what was for dinner. The seraphim ate as well, holding their own conversations amongst themselves. Rose didn't pay them any mind, instead stuffing herself to satisfaction with curry.

By the time dinner was done, the sun had set over the horizon. The only light came from the campfire, and the only warmth as well. Rose was tired, but not quite tired enough to go to sleep yet, or so she told herself. With a stretch, she yawned. Rose blinked away the blur in her vision; she wasn't tired yet. But her eyelids were heavy, painfully so. Eventually, with a full belly and warm enough, Rose fell asleep.

"How long?"

The voice brought her back from her sleep. She was leaning against something warm and soft, with something leaning on her in return. Rose realised in horror that she had fallen asleep on Sorey, though from the soft snores coming from him, she couldn't imagine he minded. Common sense told her to move. Exhaustion made her stay put. Rose closed her eyes and settled somewhere between his shoulder and chin.

"It sucks, doesn't it?"

She recognised the voices engaged in soft conversation; Edna and Mikleo. She wasn't paying much attention, and tried to focus on sleep. Rose took a slow, deep breath. Sorey smelled like the earth, like a day's travel, like home. It was her last thought before sleep took her.

"It's like something out of a bad novel," Mikleo lamented quietly.

***

The morning light was blinding. Rose groaned as she opened her eyes slowly. This time, she was lying on something hard and uncomfortable, yet her head was cushioned by folded fabric. At first, she assumed it was her own jacket, but it wasn't. Rose sat up and grabbed the folded fabric, and she watched it unfold. It was white, with familiar dark markings over it - this had to be Sorey's. She looked around. Edna and Mikleo were still asleep, but the other three had gone missing. Rose wasn't worried, not yet at least.

She stood up and shrugged the Shepherd’s garb over her shoulders. It was warm, and the fabric was soft, and it smelled so familiar. Yet it was so heavy, heavy enough that Rose thought she would be crushed.

"It suits you," Sorey said from behind her.

He was alone - though the two other seraphim were likely resting in him. She outstretched her arms like a holy figure, head tilted back.

"You think? Maybe I could pass as the Shepherd," Rose grinned.

"What does that make me?"

"You could be my Squire! Duh. It's my turn to give you a dumb name."

Sorey frowned. "You're not gonna let that go, are you?"

"You know it!"

Rose laughed, and Sorey couldn't help but laugh with her. He walked closer to her, and she dropped her arms to her side.

"This is mine now, by the way," she joked.

"I'm gonna need it back eventually," Sorey said, holding her by the elbows.

Rose gripped the top of his sleeve. "What're you gonna do about it?"

There was a pause as he watched her, a blush spreading on his cheeks. Rose couldn't help but grin smugly up at him. It was only then that she realised how close they were, faces only inches apart. Her mind went blank for a moment, and her throat turned dry. Yet she didn't let go. A thousand thoughts raced in her mind, and for once in her life, she was rendered speechless, frozen.

"Next time, we're getting an inn."

Sorey and Rose jumped away from each other, embarrassment plain on both their faces. Edna was looking at both of them, eyes narrowed into a glare. Rose didn't know what to say to that. If anything. She tilted her head to the side, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Bad night's sleep, huh?" Rose asked.

Edna made some hum of acknowledgement, but looked over at Sorey. Neither of them said anything, but Sorey shrank before nodding. He walked away, and Rose was left alone, watching Sorey and Mikleo clear away camp before helping as well.

_ Rose, _ Lailah's voice rang,  _ please be careful. _

For once, Rose didn't feel the need to mention the disembodied voices.

\--

Rose was careful.

She tried to be, anyway.

She wanted to keep a professional distance, but she couldn't. Every time, she ended up with Sorey, and every time, temptation screamed inside her. She didn't. She was worried about what it may do to Sorey: would his power bleed out like a wound? Rose wasn't keen on trying it out for herself.

It wasn't something she gave much thought to, it was more instinctual. Like a hellion to the malevolence, she was drawn to him. They were friends, and nothing could change that, but the dull ache remained like an old injury. Rose would get over it like she got over everything; get up and walk it off.

The group reached Ladylake in the evening; they had business with Alisha, though that would now have to wait until morning. They would need to get an inn for the night, and Rose was looking forward to sleeping in a bed for once. She was used to sleeping out in tents or worst case, on the floor. That didn’t mean she liked it.

They arrived at the inn, and while Sorey talked to the innkeeper, Rose grabbed the coin purse. They should have enough for two rooms; one for the boys, and one for the girls. Not that seraphim needed to sleep, but it was a safe place to stay for the night. As Rose slid her hand into the coin pouch, the innkeeper spoke.

“So a double room will cost you 200 gald-”

Sorey held up his hands defensively, jumping back. “No, we’re not married, or together, or  _ anything- _ ”

The innkeeper’s face flushed from embarrassment, before flipping quickly through his book. He glanced up at them, but not quite looking into their eyes.

“My apologies, I’d heard the Shepherd was married, and I assumed you…” He looked at Rose. “I apologise.”

It wasn’t a big deal, Rose thought. The man handed them each a key with clammy hands, and they both thanked the man. They went upstairs and Rose barely concealed her laugh behind her hand.

“So people still think we’re married,” she said, nudging Sorey in the ribs.

"O- only because you called me your husband!" Sorey spluttered.

Rose shrugged. "I guess it's gotta be believable if even the townspeople of another country got that impression."

Rose and Sorey had plenty of chances to correct Sergei, but for whatever reason, neither of them did. Rose was waiting for him to deny it, but he didn't. It made for a decent cover story, so that was likely why. Being married to Sorey wouldn't have been so bad; he would probably be a good husband. Rose squashed the thought before it could go further.

They retreated to their respective rooms, but Rose knew she wasn't going to get much sleep that night. She kicked off her boots, determined to at least  _ try _ to rest. She fell face first into the pillows, but her brain refused to settle, buzzing with too many thoughts. It wasn't like her to overthink things, and it certainly wasn't like her to lose sleep. She rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

Rose wasn't tired. Or maybe she couldn't go to sleep. Whatever the reason, she gave up on sleep. She carefully slid out of bed, making sure not to wake up the sleeping seraphim at the other end of the room. She moved over to the open window before creeping out of it - an old work habit. She didn't want anyone to hear her sneaking out.

Rose jumped, landing with a roll, before all but running away. She would sneak back into the room eventually, but for the moment, she needed to be free. It didn't seem like anyone was following her, much to her luck; the streets were quiet. Not too quiet, either.

She found her way to the river flowing through the city and sat down at the bank. Rose let her feet dangle before leaning back, looking up at the stars. Something felt strange, like the beginning of the end. Rose couldn't quite explain it. She closed her eyes and sighed.

Footsteps approached her, but she didn't stand. Her hand inched towards her weapon, waiting, but there was no sneak attack. There was only a gentle call of her name.

"Rose?"

She tilted her head back enough to see Sorey looking down at her. Rose grinned up at him.

"Hey! Shouldn't you be asleep?" she asked.

"I could ask the same," he said. "You mind if I sit with you?"

Rose patted the stone slab beside her and Sorey sat down. They sat in silence for a moment; for whatever reason, words were too difficult at the moment. Rose snuck a look at Sorey. Despite the dimming light, she could see the lines of stress on his features and the bags under his eyes. He looked so tired. Rose frowned - this wasn’t something she could fix for him. She could try to take his mind off whatever was bugging him, however.

“So, Ladylake,” she said. “This is where we met, right? Jeez, it feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Yeah, I remember. Mikleo and I had only just left Elysia,” Sorey said. He looked up at the stars. “Sometimes, I think meeting you was fate. You and the others.”

She nudged him. “You didn’t need to clarify, I got it, you big dork.”

Sorey laughed gently, the kind that made one’s heart stop. Rose quickly looked away at the river, at the other bank - anything. She missed the buffer of the seraphim, but for the moment, it was only Sorey and Rose. Unless the seraphim were listening in. She wouldn’t put it past them.

“I guess now I know why you were so weird when I met you. Honestly, I thought you’d been raised by wolves or something,” Rose smiled.

“I could talk though,” Sorey frowned.

“Mm, yeah, I couldn’t figure that part out.”

Sorey shook his head, and Rose leaned back with a laugh. The easy conversations were the best, where the conversations meant nothing, yet to them, they meant the whole world. Just what was so special about Sorey? What was it about him that made Rose so unlike herself? She shook her head.

It was because he was the Shepherd, a once-in-a-generation kind of person. There was no one like him, and there never would be. Rose was glad to have someone like him in her life, even if it never went where she wanted.

"Did you ever think you'd end up here? Like, as the Shepherd of legends?" Rose asked.

Sorey looked up at the sky, and all the tiredness he carried on his face melted away. "I think a part of me always knew this'd happen."

"So, no regrets?"

Sorey smiled. "Not even one."

Rose had no regrets either. She looked up at the sky with Sorey, the stars brighter than ever in the ink dark sky. She was glad that every choice she'd made had led to the Shepherd; maybe Sorey was right about fate. That sounded a little too cheesy for her, but sometimes, cheese was alright.

She wondered what would have happened had he not met Lailah. Sorey may have gone home, or he could have stayed with the humans. In another life, he could have been a Sparrowfeather, though Rose was getting ahead of herself. He would have never made it as an assassin. Or a salesman. He couldn't be anything but Sorey.

There was no use dwelling on what could have been. Rose would rather focus on the moment, not alternates and what ifs. She wanted to tell him so many things. Yet in the silence, it felt strange to speak. It wouldn't have changed anything even if she did tell him, and if it did, it would have been for the worse.

When Lailah had warned of the burden of the Squire, was this what she meant? Perhaps other Squires had been through this and she wasn't alone, but she wouldn't know. If there was, it wouldn't be the same - there was no one in the world like them. The thought was a small comfort to Rose, in a strange way.

Sorey scooted closer to her, and she felt something brush against the edges of her fingers. Rose wanted nothing more than to vomit her feelings onto him, but she didn't. Sorey wasn't saying anything either. His fingers filled the gaps between hers, their palms flat on the stone.

"You know," she said, fighting to keep her voice even, "there's one thing that sucks about you being the Shepherd."

Sorey squeezed her fingers between his. "I know."

His voice was a fragile whisper, like even saying that much would break his oath. Maybe it did. For a moment, neither of them cared. For just a moment, they could pretend there wasn't a wall forcing them apart, even if this was as much as they could do.

"We should go to bed," Rose said, but there was no conviction to move.

Sorey nodded, yet he didn't move either. He stayed beside Rose and made a small sigh. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, silent. There was nothing left to say, nothing that would change the situation.

Rose was the first one to stand and walk away - it was too much to expect him to do it. She could spare Sorey this ache, despite the tear of her heart. Come the morning, things would go back to normal, as they should be.

And that was all she could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> /buries face in hands  
I wrote this based on the idea of the Shepherd having to be celibate and all and thought this would be a great idea. I mean it's rambling as hell but I love me some tragic nonsense romance. Also I hate summaries and tags - I should just change my AO3 handle to that :'D
> 
> This has been the first thing I've properly worked on since coming back off holiday yaaaay this is likely super wonky ;;
> 
> Anyway I'll be the content I wanna see in the world and that'll all be SoRose at this point lol!
> 
> Bug me on [Tumblr](http://vehicroids.tumblr.com) || [Twitter](https://twitter.com/vehicroids)


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